Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
