Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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