How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
