my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
