So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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