I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
