A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
