I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
