She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
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That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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