It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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