apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
