upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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