Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
