I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
