Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I would fuck him just for his dog
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
