Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
