you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
