im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize