And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
