You made me cry and you don't even care
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
