trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
