Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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