i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have aggressive nipples.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
