How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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