Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
