she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i drank out of a bidet.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
