oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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