That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
