I'm gonna have a badass scar
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
