Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
