Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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