when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
