Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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