i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
