Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
