I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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