There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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