I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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