when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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