Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
