I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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