Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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