They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
