I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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