hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
