Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
