JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
