That's intense
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
