dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
