Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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