I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
