Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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