Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
