I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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