the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
