I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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