how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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