I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
