Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
