I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
