Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
