I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
