ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
