i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
