Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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