Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
