i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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