do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
