I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
