What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
