the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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