I wanna passion pit in your ass
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
