Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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