i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
