You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
